This year we’ve been hearing a lot about bullying. In Queensland, a 12-year-old boy was killed after being stabbed in the school toilets. The government commissioned a special report into how schools can better manage bullying. The Prime Minister said on talkback radio that he thought there was nothing wrong with a victim’s parents phoning up a bully’s parents to try to sort it out.
This whole debate is ringing alarm bells for me. We are giving such an enormous amount of attention to bullying, and it seems to be growing in proportion. Why is it so much more prevalent, with some reports saying one in six kids are bullied at least once a week?
Firstly, our classes and schools are bigger, and our teachers have a lot of extra work on their plates and their curricula.
Secondly, technology has now made it so much easier for people to harass and be unkind to other people without even having to see their faces. Hurts are just a mouse click or phone button away.
Thirdly, our children are becoming disconnected from each other because they spend too much time in front of screens, whether that be TVs, computers, mobiles or handheld games. Kids need real engagement with real people to develop empathy.
Mostly, I think it is because our society is just not that nice anymore.
When somebody cuts us off in traffic, how many among us would hurl abuse and expletives despite the fact we know the other driver may have made a mistake or be under pressure to change lanes quickly. How often do our politicians have to apologise for delivering personal insults to each other in Parliament or in the media? How often do we see a “win at all costs” ethos played out in sports and on TV?
Where have our manners and compassion gone in this fast-paced, chaotic world.
Our children do not just need to learn how to protect themselves from bullies (although that is crucial, but it is by no means the only lesson needed in this debate). They need to learn how to be friends with each other. They need lessons in being kind, in being considerate and above all in how to be tolerant of each other and other people, especially those who are different.
The responsibility for these lessons should not lie exclusively in schools. It is up to us as parents and as a community to firstly model these traits, but secondly to actively teach these skills to our children.
In classrooms, techniques work best when students feel sure the teacher is in control, ie keeping everyone safe. Activities that build human connectedness also help reduce fear and ignorance, and this is something teachers, parents and the rest of us can do whenever we find a ‘teaching moment’ with a child.
Activities that encourage Emotional Intelligence:
- Paired sharing
- Role play and drama
- Reflection time
- Journal and poetry writing
- Drawing and creative arts
- Circle Talks
- Creative imagery and visualization
- Dancing and singing
- Laughter and lightness
- Feedback times
- Storytelling
- Games
- Shared projects
- Creative problem solving
- Regular quiet, solo time
- Random acts of kindness
Let’s start with ourselves by consciously cultivating a culture of kindness and caring – and hope our children model us. Let’s start today.
